Remember Three Things...

When dealing with an autistic child there are three things to remember….

1) An autistic child does not want to hug you…

So you take hold of them and hug them and hug them even though they want to get away from you and all the time tell them, “I love you, give me a hug.” And show them how to give a hug. Move their hands and arms and show them what a hug is and when they finally give in, and you feel them relax…Let them go…

This is very important. Autistic children would love it if they could be in their own world…You have to bring them into yours….

2) Do not allow people to tell you your child cannot speak. If they say random things then they are listening on some level.

Here is a tough job. If your child says random sentences that don’t make sense, than obviously, they can speak and hear you.

YOU ARE NOT DOING THEM ANY FAVORS BY ALLOWING THEM TO NOT SPEAK OR LETTING THEM HAVE THEIR WAY.

Don’t blame yourself for something that is a roll of the dice. Treat them like any other child and make them learn to speak.

“What do you want?”

Booga points to cereal.

“Cereal?”

He looks at me.

“Say cereal.”

Nothing.

“Okay…When you say ‘cereal’ you’ll get cereal.”

And then….ask again.

“Do you want some cereal?”

Points.

“Say, ‘cereal.’”

Eventually, he said cereal. I didn’t starve him. Trust me; I couldn’t do that if I wanted to do that. I’m too sympathetic. I worked at this for several minutes a day….Eventually after the third time I would get him the cereal. And one day he said ‘cereal’. Thank God.

How I found out that Booga could speak is another story for another day.

3) L@@k at me…

This is important.

My older children say I do this even to them, even to other adults.

Someone who I am talking to (who is looking somewhere else while I am talking to them, which I think rude) will be engaged somewhere else, and I will say loudly “Look at me.” And I point to my eyes. If the child will not look at me, I gently turn their head or I move in the direction of their face and I point to my eyes and I say, “Look at me.”

Once they are looking at me, I tell them what they need to know.

It’s important that they are looking into my eyes or your eyes or anyone else’s eyes that are talking to them or teaching them.

You’re engaging them in a one on one conversation. You’re making them acknowledge your presence and you’re making sure they are listening to you and only you.

And don’t let them kid you. Autistic kids aren’t stupid. They’re Autistic. They are like any other kid and will try to get away with anything they can. Don’t bar yourself from disciplining them. Don’t bar yourself from having dreams within reason. Dreams within reason make it easier for you to deal with it. And the beauty is they may surpass the dreams you have for them with this disability.

As I’ve said before, this child is not going to be miracle cured. You have to let the child die that you dreamed of at their birth, but it doesn’t mean you can’t dream of them doing things like calling you “Mom” and knowing who you are and being able to read and use the phone and do dishes and so forth…

Booga wanted to watch a biography of Chris Farley because he loves the movie “Coneheads.”

This is Booga doing his “Coneheads” impersonation.